Sunlight and Fireflies

I have never been one for drama. I stay away from it as much as possible but this day it has sought me out. Lord I hate this feeling of conflict, and the struggle between protecting my reputation and ego and doing what I know you want me to do. The temptation is so strong…Lord protect me from these things, from evil. Help me to keep my head up and to keep trusting in you, I know you will be there for me. Help me also to wise. and aware of what lessons I can learn through all of this.

Also be with those who are against me. Lord may your Spirit rest on the situation and somehow, Lord, may the other party come to recognize you. Above all may your name be glorified.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

There is no good in me.

Jesus, It’s an uncomfortable feeling to realize how gross and sinister my heart really is.Maybe I need it to become unbearable. I feel the envy and the irritation bubbling up from within and I fight against it, not wanting it to be there, but it is.

Let me lay these sinful thoughts and feelings down at your feet my Lord, before your cross, my Saviour.

There is no good in me except for you. Please replace my heart with yours. Make me pure. Fill me with love.I choose to give this to you. Have you not led me this far already? I trust you to bring me there all the way.

Let my self pass away, and raise me up to be empty of me. Full of you.

You are life. You are good.

Amen.

Excuses

I realized the other night that I am afraid. I am fraid to go deeper, further..higher.

I use the excuse that I do not understand, or I know nothing of the situation for me to seek God’s opinion and voice on the matter. In this way, I am guilty of leaning on my own understanding. If I was to lean on God’s for understanding then it wouldn’t matter how much I knew or didn’t know. It would simply be what it is and  God would tell me what he thinks I should know.

It’s frustrating to want something, but be afraid of it. That’s why the re-blogged post from the Dalai Lama was so striking to me. If I was motivated by love, I wouldn’t be so afraid to go deeper. So, what am I motivated by? And Lord will you change my motivation? Will you give me more love for you, a love that goes past my own self.

Tear down my excuses one by one until I have none left and can only use you.